


And These Colours Won't Run

by alwaysastorm



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1292362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysastorm/pseuds/alwaysastorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Motorskink in March 2014.</p><p>Set between Felipe Massa's final race for Ferrari in November 2013, and prior to the second Bahrain test of 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And These Colours Won't Run

_"Nervous?"_

_"No, no. I'm used to these things now. It's just... " Felipe looked down at his overalls. "It's a bit strange not seeing myself wearing red, you know?"_

_"Well, you have a bit of red on there," Claire laughed. She squeezed the side of his arm lightly. "Just enjoy the day, Felipe."_

_Watching from the background, Felipe saw the white sheeting billow to the ground as the car was revealed to the assembled journalists. Dozens of smartphones flashed as everyone tried to get the very first photograph of the FW36 online._

_Felipe heard his name being announced, and turned to face the crowd._

 

**Rosso**

The hugs, laughs and tears seemed to last an age before there was barely anyone left. Beside him, Rob could sense Lucy's fatigue; she'd never been to Brazil before and hadn't recovered from the long journey from Italy yet.

He placed a hand over the top of hers on the table.

"You want to go?"

She stifled a yawn and gave a small nod towards Rob's glass, which was still three-quarters full.

"I'm fine. Stay and finish your wine."

They both turned as they heard the clip-clop of Raffa's heels and she walked in, her eyes slightly glassy-looking from the tears shed while saying goodbye to old Ferrari friends.

"Lucy," she said softly. "Would you like to see the garden?"

Lucy got up from her chair.

"I'd love to." She flashed a look to Rob. "I'm sure it's better kept than ours – ours is full of old vegetables and weeds right now!"

The two women chatted and laughed as they went outside together into the still-warm night air. Rob took a sip of his drink and sat back in his chair, trying not to let the alcohol make his thoughts about the forthcoming race too fuzzy.

"Don't sit like that or you'll fall asleep, I know you!"

Felipe pointed to him as he grabbed some empty bottles from the table.

"You want to help me put these in the kitchen?"

"I'm a guest!" Rob protested, but he stood up, lifting up the remnants of a bowl of olives and he and Lucy's plates.

He followed Felipe into the large, homely kitchen. It was warm and welcoming, and smelt like wine and herbs – garlic, oregano, all the flavours they were so used to, working and living in Italy.

Felipe set the bottles down, then picked one back up, shook it, and finding some wine left, poured a small amount into a glass.

"Hey, you're driving tomorrow," Rob scolded.

"It's only _this_ much," Felipe held his thumb and index finger an inch apart. "You are the one that has lips that are red."

"I know," Rob smiled, tilting his head to one side. He paused. "It's helping calm my nerves, you know?"

Felipe took a sip, swallowed, and then set his glass down.

"Yeah. I know."

There was a moment of silence as Felipe leant back against the marble kitchen counter, crossing his arms. His lips curved into a pout and he gave a long sigh. Rob glanced at him but Felipe wouldn't meet his gaze, he merely dipped his head and took a large intake of breath.

"Felipe... "

"Please don't, Rob." Felipe shook his head.

"Don't what?"

"Don't do this _now_."

Felipe finally met his engineer's eyes; each one seeing how the other's was shining. Rob's cheeks were flushed and he scratched the back of his head as he took a step towards Felipe, facing the shorter man directly and placing a hand on his shoulder. Rob gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm not doing _anything_. I had a great evening here, a lovely dinner, and I... _fuck_!" He slammed a hand down onto the counter. "I'm fucking babbling." He clasped his hands behind his head, biting down on his lip and shaking his head.

"This is really, really fucking hard," he said hoarsely. 

"For you?!" Felipe retorted. "For me as well."

"For both of us," Rob said. He looked around quickly – there was no sign of Raffa and Lucy, not that after so many years of this... situation, it mattered too much anymore anyway. 

"It will heal," Rob promised Felipe as he placed a hand on the driver's chest where the Scudetto normally was. "It will heal."

Felipe grabbed onto his hand, holding it there, against his heart. Rob moved closer to him, as Felipe pressed his fingers against the veins on Rob's hand.

"You'll be public property this weekend," Rob said with a sad tone in his voice. "I'll not get time alone with you." He took his hand away and Felipe let his arms drop to his sides. "So... "

"So?"

Felipe looked up, the colour in his cheeks heightened and his bottom lip glossy and pink from biting down onto it. Rob pressed his thumb against it momentarily and gave a smile.

"C'mere."

Rob threw an arm around Felipe's shoulder and the back of his neck. He pulled the shorter man against his body, their chests and thighs pressed against one another, enough to feel each other's body heat. And then there were all the familiar things – the slight raising of Felipe's body as he went onto tiptoes; the low sighs of Rob as he groaned contendedly; the small tug that Felipe always gave on Rob's auburn hair when they were standing like this, about to kiss. But here in Felipe's home, they wouldn't do that. Instead, Rob brushed his lips against Felipe's ear as he pulled away.

"I want to and I would if I could. You know that," he whispered. Felipe bit his lip again, giving a short nod. Rob gave a brief moan as he cupped Felipe's chin in his hand, leaning in so that their foreheads were touching and the tips of their noses met. Felipe's chest rose and fell. Rob's mouth was so close, too close for where they were, and their breaths were warm on one another's faces.

"I have to _go_ ," Rob sighed, as much to himself as to Felipe. He hissed through his teeth as he took a few steps backwards, holding out his hand. Felipe took it, giving it a squeeze as they shook.

"Felipe Massa, it's been an absolute _pleasure_ being your race engineer at Ferrari." Rob shrugged, a smirk dancing across his features. "Well, 99% of the time."

Felipe gave a look of mock horror and pulled his hand away. Then, he gave a laugh, his eyes crinkling up at the sides.

"99%? I think maybe a little bit less, no?"

Rob was going to make a witty quip back but when he saw the happiness in Felipe's dark eyes he couldn't find the will to do it; the will to take the piss. He shook his head and smiled.

"No less, Philip."

"99% of the time you want to punch me as well though."

Rob gave a heavy sigh, and looked at Felipe softly. 

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Felipe raised an eyebrow, innocently.

"Mess about, make a joke. I'm trying to be serious now... "

"Well, you can _try_ , but I mean... "

"...because I want to tell you... "

"...you're _useless_ at being serious Rob."

Rob slapped his forehead, exasperated.

"Because want to tell you that I love you to bits. Massively. _Painfully_."

 

**Bianco/Branco/White**

Rob grabbed a sheaf of white paper from the shelf beneath his computer desk at home, and shoved it into the printer. They all knew he was going, but it was procedure; he had to write an 'official' letter of resignation to give to Stefano in the morning. Really, he needed to be helping Lucy label the boxes holding all their wordly possessions before they were shipped back to the UK.

Stefano had said that he'd suspected. After Monza, he'd looked at Rob and said _"Loyalty's a rare thing in F1."_

_"You think I'm being disloyal?"_

_"No, no, I don't mean that at all. If anything, it's the opposite."_

"It will be good to have a clean sheet," Lucy said, hovering in the doorway and watching her husband slowly type another letter, surrounded by several crumpled up drafts that he'd printed out, but then hadn't deemed good enough.

Rob re-opened the Word document he'd been editing for the past hour and once again typed 'Dear Signor Domenicali'. 

"Bollocks," he muttered, grabbing a pen and chewing the end as he thought. Should he be writing this in Italian? His 'mechanic's Italian', as he always called it, didn't translate too well when it came to writing official letters.

"Just write a couple of sentences," Lucy called as she went back into the living room. "That's all you need."

Rob rubbed his eyes and then started typing.

**I have been offered a higher position by another Formula One team**

He hit backspace and the words vanished.

**You didn't give us the opportunities we deserved**

The cursor flashed and Rob deleted once more.

He placed a hand on his chest and rubbed it gently.

**I felt like this was my home, but it's not home if he's not here too**

_delete_

~

Felipe remembered _'We think it's best that we do not renew your contract'_. But it hadn't knocked him for six as much as _'Williams have offered me a better job, Felipe'_ had. Even now, in the middle of winter and an off-season that saw him feel like he had lost the millstone from around his neck, he could easily recall the white, blinding pain that had struck him when he had heard both of those things for the first time.

He rolled over and punched his pillow several times, trying to get comfortable. The words _una notte in bianco_ flashed into his mind. _A night without sleep_. Beside him, he could hear the steady breathing of Raffa as she slept, and in the darkness he slowly rose, got out of bed, and walked over the top of white shirt he had discarded on the floor a couple of hours before. They all wore white on this night of the year. He walked over the top of it, picked up his iPhone, and crept downstairs to sit down on the sofa in the darkness. Quickly, he typed out a text.

**Are you still awake?**

**_No, I've just woken up. You pissed?_ **

**No not really. Just couldn't sleep.**

Felipe managed to answer the almost immediate call before his ringtone woke the rest of the house up.

"What's up. You alright?"

Felipe ran a hand through his hair and lay back onto the sofa.

"Yeah, yeah. Just... thinking."

A dry laugh came from the other end of the line.

"Ooooh that's not good."

Felipe rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

"Remind me why I speak to you!"

"Sorry."

"I was thinking about testing. Will be weird without you there, without hearing you talk to me."

"You can talk to me at the end of each day."

Felipe grinned, stretching out his limbs as he got comfortable on the sofa. 

"Yeah, to give you all the information on the new car!"

"Ah, not just that. You can talk to me about anything you want. I'd like to hear it."

Rob's voice was soft as he replied; croaky, and Felipe wondered if it was as a result of a heavy night's drinking or because of the words he was saying. He paused before giving a contented sigh down the telephone. 

"I miss talking to you."

"I know mate. Me too."

On the other side of the world, Rob rested a hand on his chin as he sat at the kitchen table, a half-eaten fry-up in front of him. 

"You'll just have to get used to hearing my voice a little less now, over the radio."

There was a cackle on the other end of the line.

"I don't mind _that_. No more blah blah blah, do this, do that... "

Rob smiled. After the best part of a decade of the grind of constant travel, he'd been looking forward to this long break away from it all. But now, hearing Felipe and knowing he would be heading to Jerez, then Bahrain very soon, Rob suddenly found his feet tapping beneath the table impatiently. The past couple of months had left him feeling fresh and invigorated, and he wanted to get going _now_. He needed to, for himself and for Felipe. 

He picked up his mug and took a gulp of tea.

"I have to go. We're still getting sorted out here with the move. Go and get some sleep – you've a busy few weeks coming up. I need you at your best when I arrive!"

"I will," Felipe replied. He paused. "Happy new year, Rob."

"You too, mate. And Felipe?"

"Yeah?"

"2014's a blank page."

 

**Blue**

Italy had been cold in the winter too, of course, but this was a different kind of cold. More grey and damp, and well... miserable. But Felipe barely had time to feel the rain as he walked quickly from his car to the entrace of the team's HQ at Grove. He nodded a hello to the receptionist whose name he had not yet learned, and took the steps two at a time as he made his way upstairs, unzipping his jacket as he did. As always, he glanced at the car that was hanging from the ceiling, and, also as always, he wondered what would happen if it ever fell.

"Morning, Felipe."

"Good morning!" Felipe smiled at his new race engineer. He liked Andrew, so far. He didn't know him that well, but he seemed like a good guy. He wasn't Rob, he'd never know him like Rob had, but he was someone Felipe thought he could enjoy working with very much. 

"I'll let you get a cup of coffee before we start going through the plans for Bahrain, okay?"

"We can start right away... " Felipe offered, but Andrew shook his head with a smile.

"No, no, you get yourself sorted and I'll see you downstairs later on."

He grinned again. Felipe heard the click of a door, and turned around.

"Hello."

"Someone you might know," Andrew gave a wink and walked downstairs.

Felipe opened his mouth but no sound came out. Rob stood opposite, his smile travelling slowly from his mouth to his eyes.

"Don't I know your face from somewhere?"

Felipe realised he needed to end his gaping-fish impression, and gave a small shrug.

"Well, I mean, maybe we met before, I don't know."

Rob started to speak at the same time as Felipe did, as they each took a step towards one another. Felipe's voice was coming out in a rasp, and Rob's cheeks were bright red. Felipe looked over the mezzanine balcony. There were only a couple of people below.

" _Officially_ , I'm not here," Rob warned, tapping the side of his nose with a finger. "I'm just here to finalise some of my contract details with Claire."

"When will you be back?" Felipe tried to keep his voice casual, but this was Rob, and it was impossible to sound anything other than full of longing, full of want. He had ached for this. All winter he had ached, not even for Rob's touch - just for Rob's face, his voice, his smell. 

"Before Bahrain," was the reply.

"That's a long time."

"Yes," Rob replied softly. "Yes it is." He looked at his watch. "I have to go. Do you want to see me out?"

Felipe took the stairs as slowly as he could. _Don't leave so soon. I've only just gotten here._

Andrew met them at the bottom of the stairs, clipboard in hand. 

"Alright?" he asked, and Felipe realised he seemed almost nervous; reluctant to intrude.

"Yeah, just going to have a chat with Rob outside," Felipe told his new engineer. "Will be back in a minute. Okay mate?"

Rob's eyebrow gave a slight twitch upwards.

" _Mate_?" he mocked as they walked outside to the car park, but there was a steely tone to his voice.

"What!" Felipe stuck his jaw out, then gave Rob a light punch on the shoulder.

They stopped at Rob's car. Rob leant against the driver's side and fumbled with his keys.

"Ah, you know. It'll just be a bit strange to see you working with him."

Felipe sat on the bonnet, noticing Rob visibly wincing as he did so. He'd been pressed against this car, once. But he'd just laughed, said it wasn't quite the same as leaning back onto a Maserati or Ferrari, as Rob had tried to slide cool hands underneath his t-shirt without being tempted to bicker with the Brazilian over his sensible car choices.

"It will _feel_ strange too." Felipe took a breath. "...So when are they going to announce that you've joined the team as well?"

"Early next week, I believe."

Felipe cleared his throat. In his guts there was a small pool of worry.

"They will say I can't drive without you and that's why I went to Williams," he blurted out.

Rob tilted his head to one side. "That's been bothering you, hasn't it?"

Felipe nodded. "They'll say you need to babysit me."

"Or they'll say I just trail after you wherever _you_ go." Rob's brow was furrowed as he spoke. "Who gives a fuck, Felipe? It's just worked out like this, I don't care what anyone thinks the truth is. It worked out because it was _meant_ to. Neither of us purposely follow the other, y'know?" 

Felipe got up as Rob slid the key into the lock and opened the car door. He ducked his head, about to get in and sit down. He remembered standing at the back of the Ferrari garage having a solitary cigarette, when Claire had approached. He remembered _We still want you to join the team_ , and he remembered _What's your honest opinion of Felipe? Do you think he's someone that could be a good fit for us too? Do you think he would want to help us make Williams great again?_ And Rob remembered telling her that yes, Felipe would be very good indeed - all the while trying to hide the fact that his hands were shaking with the idea that they might want Felipe too. Might really want him a lot.

"Rob?"

He stood still.

"Yeah?"

Felipe looked at him with something resembling shyness, if Felipe was capable of ever being shy.

"When I thought about not working with you and not seeing you anymore, I felt a big empty hole _here_." Felipe made a circular motion around his chest with his index finger. 

Rob's face beamed, and he patted the left hand side of his chest. His breath caught in his throat and suddenly he felt lightheaded.

"Ah, so _that's_ what that was."

Rob gave a grin as he got into the car and started the engine. Felipe grinned back, feeling like his blood was fizzing its way through his veins and into his heart, where it would pop like the champagne he and Rob used to be covered in.

He couldn't keep the smile from off his face as he walked back into the building. Suddenly, the winter sky seemed more blue than grey. Blue like the car he'd be driving in Bahrain in a few days. Blue like the feel of the Oxfordshire cold against his face. 

Blue, like Rob's eyes as he watched him walk into his – _their_ \- new home.


End file.
